The Letter
by Meredith Paris
Summary: Lily writes her baby a letter.


_The Letter_

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all.

I've been staring at this piece of parchment for the last two hours; it's been staring up at me and silently mocking me. Numerous others are crumbled up in front and around me and James, before he went to check on Harry, looked like he was ready to either say that I should just write the letter or give up on it. Which I want to say in response to him- 'Let's see you try to do this, Mr. Potter. Let's see you write a letter to your son-with the odds being that this will be the only one that he's going to get from his mother.

I know that James says I should have more faith in Peter. I did have faith in Peter, the spot of convincing that James and Sirius notwithstanding. The things that those two have gotten me into with their convincing…but I digress. Call it a mother or a woman's intuition, a sign of Seeing that Professor Hildacre told me I lacked or what have you but _something_ is tugging at me telling me that I shouldn't have had so much faith in Peter and that I should write this letter.

"Harry just lost Jinx." James says as he breaks into my thought process. "He's sleeping now." I nod, still looking at the parchment. Jinx is a toy stuffed owl that Harry got for his birthday. When Remus gave Harry his birthday present, my son babbled. To this day, Sirius swears that Harry said Jinx. So Jinx has become the owl's name and I can't rename it under order of certain things that would happen to me if I did. Of course James can't do half of them without Sirius being here. And the other half he wouldn't dare do anyways.

"Lily?" James interrupts my thinking once again.

"Hmm?" I let my gaze wander up to him.

"How's it going?" he asks, smirking just a bit. I reach down and half hazardly throw a crumbled piece of parchment at him. He catches it, as I know he would. Those Quidditch habits tend to die hard.

"Oh hush you." I reply back.

"Lily," he says all signs of his smirk gone as he walks over to me and begins to massage my shoulders, " remind me again why you're doing this."

"I don't know James." Honestly I don't. Like I said before something is pushing me to write this. I want to have faith that everything's going to be fine but I can't. I wish everything would be perfect but I know that's not going to happen so I'll settle for fine.

"Come to bed. Maybe inspiration will hit there." James says, standing over me. His massaging hands dip lower and lower. The urge to roll my eyes at my husband's obvious ploy is hard to overcome but I manage to do it. Especially when James manages to get that spot right below my ear.

I sigh as I roll around. Watching James sleep always makes me want to sleep too. Well almost always and it appears as if tonight is going to be the exception rather than the rule. And that damned parchment is still staring at me. I get out of bed, wrapping a quilt around me for warmth. In order to not disturb James I grab it along with the writing utensils on the desk and walk out. I'm heading towards the guest bedroom which means I have to walk past Harry's. I want to go into my little boy's room, I really and truly do. But he's been up the last couple of nights with an ear infection and Harry needs his sleep. Plus he seems to know when I'm in his room and wakes up then and that just wouldn't do tonight.

I compromise by standing in his doorway watching him sleep. A pair of arms sneaks around me and I relax into James. Odd how with the knowledge of the prophecy weighing on my mind (which we've know about a grand total of a week), the continuing war, with James holding onto me and us watching Harry sleep, this is the safest I've felt in a long time.

"I missed you." James whispers so softly that I barely hear it.

"I wanted to check on Harry." I reply back, equally as soft. In response, James shuts the door and turns me around.

"Like the parchment has nothing to do with you being up."

"Okay…maybe they have something to do with the fact I'm up."

He knows me way too well for my own good. And I know that he would say the same thing about me. He chuckles, which is a sign that he's proud of himself. Something I'd normally take care of but tonight's proving to be the exception rather than the rule in more ways than one. I think he notices my attitude because he releases me.

"Come back to bed soon. I need you bright and cheery for unpacking tomorrow." This time I do roll my eyes at him. He sees this and laughs.

"I will baby." With that, he gives me what I've termed a James-kiss. He kisses my forehead, then my mouth and finally rubs his nose against mine. He does this rarely so he must think I need it. And I do.

"I love you James Potter." I say to his retreating back.

"I love you too Lily Evans." James says as he enters our bedroom. I smile sadly as I enter the guest bedroom. The guest bedroom really isn't one per say. Granted it's got a bed in it along with a chest of drawers; but it also has in it things we have no idea what to do with. Like this three foot statue of some goddess of fertility Sirius got us from Africa. He said that if it was in our room the goddess would bless us with children. Frankly I think he just wants to have more opportunities to become a godfather. James and I, even Remus and Peter, have tried every sort of magic we know to get rid of it. I've even tried some Muggle ways. But yet it stays. I think we should just give up on it.

I conjure up a writing desk and sit down on the bed with it. The parchment's already resting on it. Why in the word did I think this was going to be easier than what it actually is? I start writing, erasing, and conjuring up different pieces of paper. I finally come up with the following.

_Dear Harry,_

_Who knows where you'll be when you read this; but with all my heart, I hope you're content and happy. Because that is all that really matters to me and to all mothers everywhere. We just want our children to be happy. Although there is a chance that you won't be. I mean reading what may be the only letter that I'll ever write you would be a bit depressing. But don't be sad, my little boy. I don't want you to be sad. Because I'm not. I've got you and your daddy (prat as he may be). We're relatively safe and happy for the time being and that's all that I'm concerned about. Promise me, Harry, that you'll be happy when you read this._

_I love you with all my heart and soul. As clichéd as that sounds, it's true. I never realized that someone could love someone else that much within so little time as the time when the Healer laid you into my arms. You were so tiny and so covered up and yet you were so perfect. That moment will stay with me forever. _

_I am so incredibly proud to call you mine. Even though you named an owl Jinx, even though I'll probably get owl after owl from Hogwarts declaring that you've broken every single rule and now have broken James and Sirius' detention record. I may be exasperated beyond belief but I'll still be proud of you. Course your daddy won't be exasperated but he'll be completely proud of you. He'll go around declaring to every one we know that you broke his detention record-which is something you shouldn't be happy about. Because it can come back to haunt you._

_By now you've probably heard of what your dad was like in school and you're probably wondering why I married him. Well Harry, the moment that your daddy redeemed himself in my eyes is something that I won't share the details with you. That memory is too precious to share. Just please realize that your dad wasn't like that with everyone. Just with Slytherins and Snape in particular. I don't know this was, I think James doesn't know why either. But for now, that doesn't matter._

_But please Harry make wise decisions. That's the other item I want you to promise me. When you go after Voldemort, and I know you will being James and mine son, make sure that you know what you're doing. That's part of that making wise decisions. Please promise me that you'll be safe. _

_Harry, remember that I love you and will carry you always._

_Love always,_

_Mum_


End file.
